Emi

Warning: May contain scenes some people may find upsetting.


Oh keelah, how I wish I was human.
I bet they take it for granted. Being human. They don't realise how lucky they actually are.
I think I'm falling for Thomson. In fact, I know it. A strong hero rescues me and takes me back to his ship. It's like a childhood dream coming true. He is the captain, not only of the Falcon, but of my heart.
But I can't ever tell him.
Not ever.
How could he ever feel the same way about me? He doesn't even know what I look like. Nor what colour hair I have. He can never see me. Really see me.
I nearly told him last night. I really did... but I didn't have it in me. Not then. The Purgatory Bar was nice and we talked quite a lot about things we couldn't in public - and I told him about how I feel with my environment suit.
The restaurant was nice too, though I felt left out... he had a nice meal whereas I had some paste.
I'm held captive in the suit that is keeping me alive. I want to be with Thomson. I want him to be able to see me. Not stuck in a suit where you feel miles away from everyone, no matter how close they actually are. Even if I could just feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin. Even if I could feel every time he touched my hand, instead of it being delivered to me by virtual nerve stimulators in the suit. Even if I was human for just an hour, it'd be the best moment of my entire life. I want to know how things feel. To touch them and to be touched by them. I want to see the world without a pink tint. Oh keelah I want to be human. So very, very much. I am a prisoner in my suit. I can never be seen or touched by anyone. I am hopeless.
I am right. Keelah, I'm right. Thomson could never love me. Who in their right mind would ever love me? Even people who weren't in their right mind would have better judgement.
A single tear trickles down my face. I'm glad the mask hides it. No one would want to see someone as ugly as me crying.
A human woman walks past me in the Citadel. All curved and pretty. Dark hair, blue eyes and red lips. I see the reflection of myself on part of the floor. My face is covered. Hidden. Thomson would never want me. Not when there are people like her around. He could touch her and feel the warmth of her skin. All he can feel of me is the cold environment suit. He could kiss her. He could admire her.
Then there's me. I am ridiculous. I am ugly. I'm surprised he even wants to be around me. I know Renswick doesn't. I catch him glaring at me when he thinks I'm not looking. Everyone glares at me. Everyone hates me. Everyone looks down on me. Like I'm not a real person. I am not a real person. My thoughts and dreams forgotten before I reach their mind. Everything that I am, stuck in a cold, ugly suit.
I should give up before I haven't got a chance to. There's no point in pursuing something so... childish. Only a child would even consider for a moment that I could have a relationship with a human...
But he needs to know.
All I will do is make a fool - well more of a fool - out of myself, but he deserves to know. I'd want to if I was in his position. I'll try and muster up the confidence to tell him...